i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
