i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
