I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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