i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
