I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
