remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
