I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
