Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
