she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize