i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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