Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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