haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize