Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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