The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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