i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
