Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
