Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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