i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
