Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
