My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he puts the penis in happiness.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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