I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
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It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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