I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
