I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
