You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
