I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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