party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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