Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
