I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
