I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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