I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
