I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
