Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just had sex on a roof
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
