She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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