she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
