I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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