Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
