Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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