so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
