Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize