i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
