I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
