Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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