..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
