I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
