can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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