So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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