i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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