I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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