Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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