very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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