Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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