Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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