Don't make out with my wife yet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
