yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
