this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
