and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why can't burritos get me drunk
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize