Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I looked at my own cervix.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
