I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
is this the sara with the beer cane?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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