hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
