I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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