i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
