Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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