She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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