i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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