I smell stomach acid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
