i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
