shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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