Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
