I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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