You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
