Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
