so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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