The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
