somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
