I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
