it's too hot outside to masturbate.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.