my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.