someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
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He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Terrible idea I love it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early