Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.