So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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