I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list