Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
