I'm retarded. Again.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.