party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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