Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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