I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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