how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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