he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
