Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
