I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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