Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
