Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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