I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
