Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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