Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
